Post by Val Emerald on Feb 24, 2023 16:31:59 GMT -5
The Jew producer: hello fanfic readers and welcome to another episode of the change up. Sorry for the INSANELY long wait. The idea of those ANNOYING housemates getting another fanfiction episode just made me want to stay alone in my house and cry for a while. Anyway, this episode is about the resident twelve year old girl developing an irrational crush on someone or something. Drawn together and its characters belong to Dave jeser and Matt Silverstein, double hemm, roughdraft studios, and comedy partners. However, Abbi and Mr Donkey belong to the author of this fanfiction. Enjoy.
Xandir:(confessional)(holds two tickets in dismay) So today I bought two tickets to the zoo hoping that Captain hero would come with me, but… Captain hero has more important things to do than spend time with me.
In the kitchen, Captain hero’s cracking an egg on a glass of meat smoothie before he pours the raw egg on the smoothie. He soon drinks the smoothie containing the raw egg until Xandir approaches him.
Xandir:(eagerly puts his hands behind his back) Captain hero… I just bought two tickets to the zoo and I’m wondering if you would like to go with me.
Hero:(looks at Xandir in remorse) Oh… Sorry buddy, but I’ve got a shitload of sexy damsels to save today.
Hero:(confessional)(lecherously) And fuck if I don’t succeed…
Hero:(looks at Xandir awkwardly) Well… bye… (Rushes out of the kitchen and through the closed patio door which prompts Xandir to walk out of the kitchen in sadness.)
As Xandir enters the living room, he sees Wooldoor (in his psychiatrist outfit) leaning against the back of one of the couches in exhaustion which prompts Xandir to walk towards him.
Xandir:(eagerly) Hi, Wooldoor. I invited Captain hero to go to the zoo with me but he bailed. So would you like to go with me instead?
Wooldoor:(groans in stress) Sorry, Xandir. I’d be desperate enough to be your second choice, but I’ve got a shitload of clients to see today.
Xandir:(looks at Wooldoor in disappointment) Oh… I see… Well, I hope you do well with your clients.
Xandir:(confessional)(sorrowful) So I asked almost all of my roommates to go to the zoo with me but for various reasons, no one’s able to come.
Later in the kitchen, Xandir’s facing Toot (Who’s weakly holding her stomach as she’s sitting by the table).
Toot:(groans in pain) Sorry, Xandir. I’d love to go with ya but speedy’s taco house now has “the queso taco chalupa burrito nacho giant party bowl” which means I’m gonna keep shitting for WEEKS!
Later in the living room, Xandir faces Mr Donkey (who’s sitting on his recliner)
Mr Donkey:(Looks at Xandir in shock and disapproval) you want me to do WHAT with ya?! Is this some sort of a sex code?!!
Later in the kitchen, Xandir faces Ling Ling (who’s hastily washing the dishes).
Ling Ling:(Japorean)(Shouts at Xandir in frustration) Ring Ring don’t have time to do fun event with you! Ring Ring too busy cleaning up after you disgusting roommates!
Later in the upstairs hallway, Xandir faces Foxxy (who’s only wearing her blanket wrapped around her)
Foxxy:(looks at Xandir in remorse) Ooh. Sorry, Xandir. But Foxxy’s busy with a different kind of an animal.
Later in the backyard, Xandir’s facing Clara (who’s surrounded by her animal friends).
Clara:(passive aggressively smiles at Xandir) My deepest apologies, Xandir but father told me that it’s a sin to hang out with a homosexual in a society where animals are filled with lust.
Later, Xandir walks into Spanky’s computer room and sees spanky (in only his defecation stained white bra and thong) facing his computer while sitting in a chair until he notices Xandir which prompts spanky to turn around and face him.
Spanky:(Cooly smiles) Hey, Xandir. What’s up?
Xandir:(Nervously smiles at spanky) Hi Spanky. I’m wondering if… (Notices spanky’s bra and thong which makes him cringe in disgust) never mind.
Xandir:(confessional)(sadly looks down) As I asked almost everyone to go to the zoo with me, I felt more and more rejected. There was one more roommate that I didn’t ask yet.
In the laboratory, Abbi (with blue hair) fondly puts raw shrimp in a fish tank to feed four small purple squid as Xandir enters by door.
Abbi:(Notices and politely smiles at Xandir) Oh hello, mr… what’s your surname?
Xandir:(jovially smiles) Wifflebottom, but just call me Xandir. Mr Wifflebottom makes me feel old.
Abbi:(politely) very well, then.
Xandir:(nervously rubs one of his arms) So Abbi… I bought two tickets to the zoo and I’m wondering if you would like to go with me.
Abbi:(Looks at Xandir in observation) A zoo, You say. Well, It would be nice to take a closer observation towards exotic animal species.
Xandir:(hopefully gasps) So you’re coming to the zoo with me?!
Abbi:(calmly shrugs) sure. I would like to take a break from this chaotic household.
Xandir:(Squeals in glee) Thank you, Abbi! You don’t know how much this means to me!
Later in the zoo reptile room, Abbi looks at the poison dart frogs in observation while Xandir looks at her in curiosity.
Xandir:(to abbi) So… you like looking at those cute colorful froggies?
Abbi:(Calmly) I do find them quite interesting. What is fascinating about these frogs is that they can kill a human within seconds with only their touch.
Xandir:(disturbed) Okay… Would you like to look at the cute little monkeys next?
Abbi: Sure. It would be nice to learn more about our primate precedents.
Later, Xandir looks at the tamarins in adoration while Abbi looks at them in observation.
Abbi:(confessional) going to the zoo with Xandir was a calming experience. Especially when I observe and learn about each animal’s behavior.
Xandir:(cooing at the tamarins) Abbi, aren’t those fluffy monkeys cute?
Abbi:(looks at the tamarins in observation) yes. The long hair on their heads do give them an endearing look.
Xandir:(confessional)(concerned) As much as I appreciate Abbi coming with me to the zoo, I noticed that she’s been more observant than actually having fun. (Sweetly smiles) however, I realized that she just needed to see a certain kind of animal to make her smile.
As Xandir and abbi continue to look at the tamarins, Abbi notices the tigers nearby which prompts her to smile in excitement.
Abbi:(eagerly) Xandir, may we see the tigers next, please? I would love to observe their behavior as well.
Xandir:(Kindly smiles at abbi) Of course, sweetie. Whatever makes you happy.
Xandir gently leads Abbi by hand to a balcony where they see the tigers from above.
Abbi:(excitedly leans on the balcony rail) Xandir, look at the beauty and magnificence on these tigers! They are the biggest of all wild cats.
Abbi’s hand then suddenly slips which results in her falling over the balcony and into the tiger pit.
Xandir:(gasps in panic) Oh my god! Abbi! I’ll get help!
As Xandir runs from the balcony, one of the tigers notices Abbi and slowly walks toward her which makes her freeze in fear.
Abbi:(confessional)(calmly) As the tiger slowly approached me, I was immensely frightened and couldn’t figure out what I was able to do in this situation. Thankfully, I remembered a documentary that my parents showed me about learning to use sounds to calm a creature as large and dangerous as a tiger down.
As Abbi slowly gets into a crawling stance, she starts to imitate a nurturing tiger sound which prompts the tiger to gently lick her face and rub his face on her head. The touched Abbi soon smiles at the tiger before a raw slab of steak was thrown past the tiger which prompts the tiger to run away from Abbi and towards the steak. A zookeeper then slowly slowly walks towards Abbi, grabs her by the hand, and leads her out of the tigers and eventually to the balcony above the tigers where Xandir runs towards them in worry.
Xandir:(puts his hand on Abbi’s shoulders in worry) Oh my god! Abbi! Are you okay?!
Abbi:(Smiles at Xandir in assurance) I am perfectly alright. Thank you. (Looks at the readers in caution) although it would be wise if everyone of you should never try to take a close encounter at a tiger in real life.
Xandir:(looks at the readers in concern) otherwise, you’ll end up like him.
Captain hero soon flies by the zoo and notices the tigers which prompts him to land on the ground near them.
Hero:(callously slaps a tiger’s bottom) say, you look like someone I could fuck unless there’s a petting zoo nearby…
The tiger soon pounces on captain hero and mauls him to death which makes hero scream in horror before he moans in pleasure. Later, Xandir and Abbi walk out of the zoo exit.
Abbi:(Excitedly smiles at Xandir) Xandir, I sincerely give you many appreciations for inviting me to go to the zoo with you! My close encounter with that tiger was one of the most amazing experiences I ever had.
Xandir:(Sweetly smiles at abbi) Aww, I appreciate you coming with me too, sweetie. I’m so happy you had a good time. (Affectionately hugs Abbi which makes her nervously freeze and blush.)
Abbi:(confessional)(nervously twiddles her fingers) As Xandir hugged me, I felt… strange inside my body. My skin Felt cold yet my face felt warm. I hope that tiger didn’t give me any diseases…
Later in the laboratory, Abbi’s sitting by a long table and frantically reading a book about rare diseases until Wooldoor cheerfully enters the room and walks towards her.
Wooldoor:(Smiles and waves at abbi) Hi, friend! Whacha doing?
Abbi:(Politely notices Wooldoor) Oh hello, Wooldoor. Yesterday, I went with Xandir to the zoo and had an unexpected close encounter with a tiger.
Wooldoor:(Shocked) Oh my god! Did you die?!
Abbi:(Smiles in amusement) Thankfully no. I made soothing noises which calmed the large feline down. (Gets dismayed) However, as Xandir and I were about to leave the zoo, I felt… cold and weak on the rest of my body yet warm on my face and head. The symptoms disappeared this morning but I’m checking to make sure that tiger didn’t give me any diseases from this book.
Xandir then also enters the laboratory and walks towards Abbi.
Xandir:(Sweetly) Abbi, I just wanna tell you that I appreciate you for hanging out with me in the zoo yesterday. If there’s any fun activity that you would like to do, feel free to invite me anytime.
Abbi:(nervously shivers, stammers, and blushes) um… yes… that s-s-s-sounds nice, X-Xandir.
Xandir:(Cheerfully waves at abbi and wooldoor) Well, I hope to see you around, sweetie. Hi, wooldoor.
Wooldoor:(Cheekily waves at Xandir) Hi, Xandir.
Xandir soon leaves the laboratory.
Abbi:(gets worried) Oh shit. My symptoms may now be back.
Wooldoor:(Impishly smiles at abbi) uh oh, I think my new friend might be in loooooove.
Abbi:(embarrassed) What? That’s preposterous! Having an infatuation for him would be illogical!
Wooldoor:(Playfully in sing song) Abbi has a boyfriend who only wants to fuck men.
Abbi:(Glares at wooldoor) you think I don’t know that?! Yes, Xandir is a homosexual. Yet, now when Xandir even talks to me, I feel sick on the inside. I wish there is a way to eliminate my invasive feelings for Xandir.
Wooldoor:(Pats Abbi’s hand in assurance) There is. As a psychiatrist, I can find a way to help your little crush on Xandir to go bye bye.
Abbi:(gets suspicious) Wait a minute. Aren’t you a little young to be a licensed doctor and psychiatrist?
Wooldoor:(smiles sheepishly) Actually, all my licenses are fake. I can really only have my roommates as clients.
Abbi:(Glares at Wooldoor in disapproval) Excuse me? You’re telling me that I trusted you to help me when I got stabbed and you’re not even a real doctor?
Wooldoor:(Hopefully smiles) Hey, you’re all better now, aren’t you? I may be a fake doctor and psychiatrist but I’m competent at being both of them. Do you want your crush on Xandir to go away or not?
Abbi:(begrudgingly) Well, going to you would be the cheapest choice…
Wooldoor:(confessional)(calmly smiles) So I took Abbi in as my next client and listened to her as she talked to me about her crush.
In Wooldoor’s psychiatrist office, Wooldoor (back in his psychiatrist outfit) is sitting on a green lofty chair holding a notebook facing Abbi (who’s laying on a chaise lounge).
Abbi:(to Wooldoor in worry) Ever since Xandir hugged me, I kept having strange yet appealing feelings whenever he’s around me. Especially when he gives me a compliment or two.
Wooldoor:(Puts his hand on his chin in observation) Hmm. Compliments, eh? Maybe if you gross Xandir out, maybe you won’t have feelings for him anymore.
Abbi:(dismayed) But how can I gross him out in a manageable way? The more clean and proper I am, the better I feel.
Wooldoor:(Smiles at Abbi in suggestion) Well, the household floor doesn’t tend to be the cleanest. Maybe you could walk around barefoot until Xandir comments on your disgusting little toesie woesies.
Abbi:(reluctantly) Well, I guess it’s worth a shot…
Later in the hallway, Abbi cringes as she walks on the floor with her bare feet. She then sees Ling Ling who immediately scowls at her.
Abbi:(Looks at Ling Ling in dismay) Oh Ling Ling. How could you walk on this unsanitary floor with bare feet?
Ling Ling:(Japorean)(looks at abbi in determination) Oh, so pale frog monster try to challenge ring ring, huh? Say ring ring’s name three more times and-
Ling Ling then notices Abbi’s small bare feet which soon prompts him to amorously gaze at her.
Ling Ling:(Japorean)(smitten) whoa… what tiny frog like feet! Would you care to be challenged to a sexy battle?
Abbi:(sweetly unaware of what Ling Ling said) as much as I appreciate your concern, I’m only walking barefoot on the floor to try to cure me of my illogical infatuation.
Ling Ling:(Japorean)(Tenderly holds Abbi’s hand) darling. Ring Ring don’t care how gross your feet are. Your feet are small enough for my love.
Abbi:(Kindly pets Ling Ling) you’re a sweet little creature.
Abbi then walks past Ling Ling who looks at her in bliss.
Ling Ling:(confessional)(japorean)(amorously sighs) she or he called me a creature…
As Abbi continues to walk around the household, she eventually encounters Xandir in the living room.
Xandir:(cheerfully waves) Oh hi, Abbi. How are you today?
Abbi:(nervously looks down at her feet) fine…
Xandir:(Looks at Abbi’s feet in concern) are you sure you want to walk barefoot around this house? (Sweetly smiles) I just don’t want your cute little feet to be all ruined.
Abbi:(stammers and blushes) I-I-I thank you but I have to hurry somewhere! See you later!
Abbi soon runs past Xandir who looks at her in concern.
Abbi:(confessional)(dismayed) oh shit! Xandir commenting on my feet made me feel more warm inside. There has to be something else I can do to eliminate this infatuation.
Later in Wooldoor’s psychiatrist office, Abbi’s back on the lounge while Wooldoor’s on his chair.
Abbi:(dismayed) I’m afraid that your advice on disgusting Xandir has not been successful. Do you have any more recommendations?
Wooldoor:(puts his hand on his chin in thought) Hmm, you’ve tried to disgust Xandir. Maybe you could find something about him that would make you want to toss your cookies.
Abbi:(unsure) I don’t know. How can I figure out how disgusting he is without invading his privacy?
Wooldoor:(smoothly smiles) Well, I’ve got something that can help you. (Hands a box set of “drawn together” dvds to Abbi) these are the dvds that contain all of the episodes of our show before you and mr donkey joined.
Abbi:(confessional) As I was watching the older episodes of this reality television show, I did see Xandir do some questionable things which has lessened my infatuation for him at first. (Starts To blush in embarrassment) however…
In the living room, Abbi watches the old episodes of “drawn together” as she sits on the couch. She then sees Xandir passionately making out with another attractive man on tv which immediately makes her face turn red. Ling Ling then coyly enters the living room and hands a lily to abbi.
Ling Ling:(Japorean)(amorously) my dear beautiful creature. Would you care to “battle” with me with me in my love nest?
Abbi:(flustered as she accepts Ling Ling’s lily) Oh… uh… Thank you, Ling Ling. (Kindly pets his head) I really do appreciate your company.
As Abbi leaves the living room, Ling Ling sighs and swoons. As Abbi enters the hallway, she sees Wooldoor walking across from her.
Wooldoor:(cheerfully waves) Hi, Abbi! Did you watch the dvds?
Abbi blushes as she nods.
Wooldoor: did the dvds work?
Abbi shakes her head in dismay.
Wooldoor:(concerned) would you like another session?
Abbi nods in defeat.
Later, Abbi’s back in Wooldoor’s psychiatric office while Wooldoor’s back in his psychiatrist outfit.
Abbi:(worried) is there anything else that I can do to eliminate my infatuation for Xandir?
Wooldoor:(calmly but sadly) well, there is one more option but you might not like it. You’re going to have to avoid Xandir as much as possible. That means you can’t spend time with him or accept any invitations from him no matter how fun they seem. Do you understand?
Abbi:(sadly) Yes. I do.
Later in the kitchen, Abbi forlornly sits by the table when Xandir approaches her.
Xandir:(hopefully) Hi Abbi. Since we had a fun time at the zoo, I was wondering if you would like to go to the mall with me to shop for some cute clothes.
Abbi:(reluctantly) My apologies, Xandir. But… I’m afraid I can’t attend the mall with you.
Xandir:(crestfallen) Oh… I understand… well, maybe some other time?
Abbi sadly looks down on the table as Xandir leaves. Later in the living room, Abbi sits on the couch in dismay as Xandir approaches her.
Xandir:(concerned) Abbi, are you feeling-
Abbi immediately runs out of the living room and heads upstairs to the girls bedroom which saddens Xandir.
Xandir:(confessional)(concerned) I don’t know why but Abbi seems to not want to hang out with me anymore lately. I thought we had such a fun time at the zoo. She even thanked me for taking her to see the tigers. There’s gotta be a reason why she doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore.
As Abbi enters the girls bedroom, She sees Ling Ling seductively lounging on her bed as he faces her.
Ling Ling:(Japorean)(suavely) Hey, my sexy little monster. Care for an exciting “battle”?
Abbi:(distraught but unaware) Oh Ling Ling. I’m not sure if I can avoid how I’m feeling anymore.
Ling Ling:(Japorean)(smoothly pats on the bed) Oh you don’t have to avoid them, baby. Just give into them and give yourself to me.
Abbi: It’s just that no matter how many methods I try to do, my feelings for Xandir are still there.
Ling Ling:(Japorean)(gasps in devastation) You have feelings for Xandil?! But he’s a homo!
Abbi:(ashamed) I am one hundred percent aware of the fact that Xandir is a homosexual gentleman. However, there’s something ineffably pleasant about him that just makes me feel attracted to him.
Ling Ling:(Japorean)(Stands on Abbi’s bed in anger) You foul amphibious harpy! For breaking my sensitive heart, you shall battle me to the death! Say my name three times and we shall fight!
Abbi:(sighs in defeat while still unaware) As much as I appreciate your concern, I’m afraid that I may have to face this situation by myself.
Abbi soon leaves the girls bedroom which leaves Ling Ling feeling frustrated.
Ling Ling:(Japorean) Hey! Don’t leave ring ring deprived of a battle! AAAAAGH!!!!
Later, Abbi’s sadly resting her head on her arms on the edge of the pool until Xandir approaches her.
Xandir:(determined) Abbi, I know that you’ve been avoiding me lately and it can’t be for no reason. Is it because Clara convinced you that being gay is a “sin”?
Abbi:(melancholic) No. it would be illogical.
Xandir:(concerned) Then why are you suddenly avoiding me?
Abbi:(groans in defeat) Oh I guess I can’t deprive you of the truth anymore. The real reason why I have been avoiding you is because I have developed an illogical infatuation for you ever since you took me to the zoo even though I am aware that you’re a homosexual man.
Abbi soon puts her hands on her head in embarrassment. However, Xandir bursts out in laughter.
Xandir:(laughing) That’s it?! You just have a little crush on me?!
Abbi:(embarrassed) well… yeah.
Xandir:(compassionate) Aw, sweetie. Tween crushes aren’t so bad. It’s normal for little girls like you to have crushes like this.
Abbi:(dismayed) I hope that it will soon pass because I rather enjoyed spending some time with you as my friend.
Xandir:(assuring) Don’t worry. It’ll pass in no time. And pretty soon, you’ll get a crush on another tween who might like you back.
Abbi:(smiles in relief) You know, I think my infatuation is diminishing already. What you have told me has helped me feel a lot better.
Xandir:(sweetly) Aw, I’m so happy to hear that.
Abbi:(politely) Out of curiosity, do you have a male significant other?
Xandir: I did. (Turns forlorn) But then my adversary, Lord Slashstab took him from me… for no reason… Just as my boyfriend was about to invite me into his home…
Abbi:(saddened) I’m sorry to hear that.
Xandir:(sadly) Thank you. I just wish I had more time to rescue him instead of being stuck in this household having to deal with Captain hero’s antics.
Abbi:(gently) I don’t blame you for being irritated by the disgusting superhero. I really hope you’ll be able to find and rescue your special gentleman.
Xandir:(touched) Thanks, sweetie.
END
Xandir:(confessional)(holds two tickets in dismay) So today I bought two tickets to the zoo hoping that Captain hero would come with me, but… Captain hero has more important things to do than spend time with me.
In the kitchen, Captain hero’s cracking an egg on a glass of meat smoothie before he pours the raw egg on the smoothie. He soon drinks the smoothie containing the raw egg until Xandir approaches him.
Xandir:(eagerly puts his hands behind his back) Captain hero… I just bought two tickets to the zoo and I’m wondering if you would like to go with me.
Hero:(looks at Xandir in remorse) Oh… Sorry buddy, but I’ve got a shitload of sexy damsels to save today.
Hero:(confessional)(lecherously) And fuck if I don’t succeed…
Hero:(looks at Xandir awkwardly) Well… bye… (Rushes out of the kitchen and through the closed patio door which prompts Xandir to walk out of the kitchen in sadness.)
As Xandir enters the living room, he sees Wooldoor (in his psychiatrist outfit) leaning against the back of one of the couches in exhaustion which prompts Xandir to walk towards him.
Xandir:(eagerly) Hi, Wooldoor. I invited Captain hero to go to the zoo with me but he bailed. So would you like to go with me instead?
Wooldoor:(groans in stress) Sorry, Xandir. I’d be desperate enough to be your second choice, but I’ve got a shitload of clients to see today.
Xandir:(looks at Wooldoor in disappointment) Oh… I see… Well, I hope you do well with your clients.
Xandir:(confessional)(sorrowful) So I asked almost all of my roommates to go to the zoo with me but for various reasons, no one’s able to come.
Later in the kitchen, Xandir’s facing Toot (Who’s weakly holding her stomach as she’s sitting by the table).
Toot:(groans in pain) Sorry, Xandir. I’d love to go with ya but speedy’s taco house now has “the queso taco chalupa burrito nacho giant party bowl” which means I’m gonna keep shitting for WEEKS!
Later in the living room, Xandir faces Mr Donkey (who’s sitting on his recliner)
Mr Donkey:(Looks at Xandir in shock and disapproval) you want me to do WHAT with ya?! Is this some sort of a sex code?!!
Later in the kitchen, Xandir faces Ling Ling (who’s hastily washing the dishes).
Ling Ling:(Japorean)(Shouts at Xandir in frustration) Ring Ring don’t have time to do fun event with you! Ring Ring too busy cleaning up after you disgusting roommates!
Later in the upstairs hallway, Xandir faces Foxxy (who’s only wearing her blanket wrapped around her)
Foxxy:(looks at Xandir in remorse) Ooh. Sorry, Xandir. But Foxxy’s busy with a different kind of an animal.
Later in the backyard, Xandir’s facing Clara (who’s surrounded by her animal friends).
Clara:(passive aggressively smiles at Xandir) My deepest apologies, Xandir but father told me that it’s a sin to hang out with a homosexual in a society where animals are filled with lust.
Later, Xandir walks into Spanky’s computer room and sees spanky (in only his defecation stained white bra and thong) facing his computer while sitting in a chair until he notices Xandir which prompts spanky to turn around and face him.
Spanky:(Cooly smiles) Hey, Xandir. What’s up?
Xandir:(Nervously smiles at spanky) Hi Spanky. I’m wondering if… (Notices spanky’s bra and thong which makes him cringe in disgust) never mind.
Xandir:(confessional)(sadly looks down) As I asked almost everyone to go to the zoo with me, I felt more and more rejected. There was one more roommate that I didn’t ask yet.
In the laboratory, Abbi (with blue hair) fondly puts raw shrimp in a fish tank to feed four small purple squid as Xandir enters by door.
Abbi:(Notices and politely smiles at Xandir) Oh hello, mr… what’s your surname?
Xandir:(jovially smiles) Wifflebottom, but just call me Xandir. Mr Wifflebottom makes me feel old.
Abbi:(politely) very well, then.
Xandir:(nervously rubs one of his arms) So Abbi… I bought two tickets to the zoo and I’m wondering if you would like to go with me.
Abbi:(Looks at Xandir in observation) A zoo, You say. Well, It would be nice to take a closer observation towards exotic animal species.
Xandir:(hopefully gasps) So you’re coming to the zoo with me?!
Abbi:(calmly shrugs) sure. I would like to take a break from this chaotic household.
Xandir:(Squeals in glee) Thank you, Abbi! You don’t know how much this means to me!
Later in the zoo reptile room, Abbi looks at the poison dart frogs in observation while Xandir looks at her in curiosity.
Xandir:(to abbi) So… you like looking at those cute colorful froggies?
Abbi:(Calmly) I do find them quite interesting. What is fascinating about these frogs is that they can kill a human within seconds with only their touch.
Xandir:(disturbed) Okay… Would you like to look at the cute little monkeys next?
Abbi: Sure. It would be nice to learn more about our primate precedents.
Later, Xandir looks at the tamarins in adoration while Abbi looks at them in observation.
Abbi:(confessional) going to the zoo with Xandir was a calming experience. Especially when I observe and learn about each animal’s behavior.
Xandir:(cooing at the tamarins) Abbi, aren’t those fluffy monkeys cute?
Abbi:(looks at the tamarins in observation) yes. The long hair on their heads do give them an endearing look.
Xandir:(confessional)(concerned) As much as I appreciate Abbi coming with me to the zoo, I noticed that she’s been more observant than actually having fun. (Sweetly smiles) however, I realized that she just needed to see a certain kind of animal to make her smile.
As Xandir and abbi continue to look at the tamarins, Abbi notices the tigers nearby which prompts her to smile in excitement.
Abbi:(eagerly) Xandir, may we see the tigers next, please? I would love to observe their behavior as well.
Xandir:(Kindly smiles at abbi) Of course, sweetie. Whatever makes you happy.
Xandir gently leads Abbi by hand to a balcony where they see the tigers from above.
Abbi:(excitedly leans on the balcony rail) Xandir, look at the beauty and magnificence on these tigers! They are the biggest of all wild cats.
Abbi’s hand then suddenly slips which results in her falling over the balcony and into the tiger pit.
Xandir:(gasps in panic) Oh my god! Abbi! I’ll get help!
As Xandir runs from the balcony, one of the tigers notices Abbi and slowly walks toward her which makes her freeze in fear.
Abbi:(confessional)(calmly) As the tiger slowly approached me, I was immensely frightened and couldn’t figure out what I was able to do in this situation. Thankfully, I remembered a documentary that my parents showed me about learning to use sounds to calm a creature as large and dangerous as a tiger down.
As Abbi slowly gets into a crawling stance, she starts to imitate a nurturing tiger sound which prompts the tiger to gently lick her face and rub his face on her head. The touched Abbi soon smiles at the tiger before a raw slab of steak was thrown past the tiger which prompts the tiger to run away from Abbi and towards the steak. A zookeeper then slowly slowly walks towards Abbi, grabs her by the hand, and leads her out of the tigers and eventually to the balcony above the tigers where Xandir runs towards them in worry.
Xandir:(puts his hand on Abbi’s shoulders in worry) Oh my god! Abbi! Are you okay?!
Abbi:(Smiles at Xandir in assurance) I am perfectly alright. Thank you. (Looks at the readers in caution) although it would be wise if everyone of you should never try to take a close encounter at a tiger in real life.
Xandir:(looks at the readers in concern) otherwise, you’ll end up like him.
Captain hero soon flies by the zoo and notices the tigers which prompts him to land on the ground near them.
Hero:(callously slaps a tiger’s bottom) say, you look like someone I could fuck unless there’s a petting zoo nearby…
The tiger soon pounces on captain hero and mauls him to death which makes hero scream in horror before he moans in pleasure. Later, Xandir and Abbi walk out of the zoo exit.
Abbi:(Excitedly smiles at Xandir) Xandir, I sincerely give you many appreciations for inviting me to go to the zoo with you! My close encounter with that tiger was one of the most amazing experiences I ever had.
Xandir:(Sweetly smiles at abbi) Aww, I appreciate you coming with me too, sweetie. I’m so happy you had a good time. (Affectionately hugs Abbi which makes her nervously freeze and blush.)
Abbi:(confessional)(nervously twiddles her fingers) As Xandir hugged me, I felt… strange inside my body. My skin Felt cold yet my face felt warm. I hope that tiger didn’t give me any diseases…
Later in the laboratory, Abbi’s sitting by a long table and frantically reading a book about rare diseases until Wooldoor cheerfully enters the room and walks towards her.
Wooldoor:(Smiles and waves at abbi) Hi, friend! Whacha doing?
Abbi:(Politely notices Wooldoor) Oh hello, Wooldoor. Yesterday, I went with Xandir to the zoo and had an unexpected close encounter with a tiger.
Wooldoor:(Shocked) Oh my god! Did you die?!
Abbi:(Smiles in amusement) Thankfully no. I made soothing noises which calmed the large feline down. (Gets dismayed) However, as Xandir and I were about to leave the zoo, I felt… cold and weak on the rest of my body yet warm on my face and head. The symptoms disappeared this morning but I’m checking to make sure that tiger didn’t give me any diseases from this book.
Xandir then also enters the laboratory and walks towards Abbi.
Xandir:(Sweetly) Abbi, I just wanna tell you that I appreciate you for hanging out with me in the zoo yesterday. If there’s any fun activity that you would like to do, feel free to invite me anytime.
Abbi:(nervously shivers, stammers, and blushes) um… yes… that s-s-s-sounds nice, X-Xandir.
Xandir:(Cheerfully waves at abbi and wooldoor) Well, I hope to see you around, sweetie. Hi, wooldoor.
Wooldoor:(Cheekily waves at Xandir) Hi, Xandir.
Xandir soon leaves the laboratory.
Abbi:(gets worried) Oh shit. My symptoms may now be back.
Wooldoor:(Impishly smiles at abbi) uh oh, I think my new friend might be in loooooove.
Abbi:(embarrassed) What? That’s preposterous! Having an infatuation for him would be illogical!
Wooldoor:(Playfully in sing song) Abbi has a boyfriend who only wants to fuck men.
Abbi:(Glares at wooldoor) you think I don’t know that?! Yes, Xandir is a homosexual. Yet, now when Xandir even talks to me, I feel sick on the inside. I wish there is a way to eliminate my invasive feelings for Xandir.
Wooldoor:(Pats Abbi’s hand in assurance) There is. As a psychiatrist, I can find a way to help your little crush on Xandir to go bye bye.
Abbi:(gets suspicious) Wait a minute. Aren’t you a little young to be a licensed doctor and psychiatrist?
Wooldoor:(smiles sheepishly) Actually, all my licenses are fake. I can really only have my roommates as clients.
Abbi:(Glares at Wooldoor in disapproval) Excuse me? You’re telling me that I trusted you to help me when I got stabbed and you’re not even a real doctor?
Wooldoor:(Hopefully smiles) Hey, you’re all better now, aren’t you? I may be a fake doctor and psychiatrist but I’m competent at being both of them. Do you want your crush on Xandir to go away or not?
Abbi:(begrudgingly) Well, going to you would be the cheapest choice…
Wooldoor:(confessional)(calmly smiles) So I took Abbi in as my next client and listened to her as she talked to me about her crush.
In Wooldoor’s psychiatrist office, Wooldoor (back in his psychiatrist outfit) is sitting on a green lofty chair holding a notebook facing Abbi (who’s laying on a chaise lounge).
Abbi:(to Wooldoor in worry) Ever since Xandir hugged me, I kept having strange yet appealing feelings whenever he’s around me. Especially when he gives me a compliment or two.
Wooldoor:(Puts his hand on his chin in observation) Hmm. Compliments, eh? Maybe if you gross Xandir out, maybe you won’t have feelings for him anymore.
Abbi:(dismayed) But how can I gross him out in a manageable way? The more clean and proper I am, the better I feel.
Wooldoor:(Smiles at Abbi in suggestion) Well, the household floor doesn’t tend to be the cleanest. Maybe you could walk around barefoot until Xandir comments on your disgusting little toesie woesies.
Abbi:(reluctantly) Well, I guess it’s worth a shot…
Later in the hallway, Abbi cringes as she walks on the floor with her bare feet. She then sees Ling Ling who immediately scowls at her.
Abbi:(Looks at Ling Ling in dismay) Oh Ling Ling. How could you walk on this unsanitary floor with bare feet?
Ling Ling:(Japorean)(looks at abbi in determination) Oh, so pale frog monster try to challenge ring ring, huh? Say ring ring’s name three more times and-
Ling Ling then notices Abbi’s small bare feet which soon prompts him to amorously gaze at her.
Ling Ling:(Japorean)(smitten) whoa… what tiny frog like feet! Would you care to be challenged to a sexy battle?
Abbi:(sweetly unaware of what Ling Ling said) as much as I appreciate your concern, I’m only walking barefoot on the floor to try to cure me of my illogical infatuation.
Ling Ling:(Japorean)(Tenderly holds Abbi’s hand) darling. Ring Ring don’t care how gross your feet are. Your feet are small enough for my love.
Abbi:(Kindly pets Ling Ling) you’re a sweet little creature.
Abbi then walks past Ling Ling who looks at her in bliss.
Ling Ling:(confessional)(japorean)(amorously sighs) she or he called me a creature…
As Abbi continues to walk around the household, she eventually encounters Xandir in the living room.
Xandir:(cheerfully waves) Oh hi, Abbi. How are you today?
Abbi:(nervously looks down at her feet) fine…
Xandir:(Looks at Abbi’s feet in concern) are you sure you want to walk barefoot around this house? (Sweetly smiles) I just don’t want your cute little feet to be all ruined.
Abbi:(stammers and blushes) I-I-I thank you but I have to hurry somewhere! See you later!
Abbi soon runs past Xandir who looks at her in concern.
Abbi:(confessional)(dismayed) oh shit! Xandir commenting on my feet made me feel more warm inside. There has to be something else I can do to eliminate this infatuation.
Later in Wooldoor’s psychiatrist office, Abbi’s back on the lounge while Wooldoor’s on his chair.
Abbi:(dismayed) I’m afraid that your advice on disgusting Xandir has not been successful. Do you have any more recommendations?
Wooldoor:(puts his hand on his chin in thought) Hmm, you’ve tried to disgust Xandir. Maybe you could find something about him that would make you want to toss your cookies.
Abbi:(unsure) I don’t know. How can I figure out how disgusting he is without invading his privacy?
Wooldoor:(smoothly smiles) Well, I’ve got something that can help you. (Hands a box set of “drawn together” dvds to Abbi) these are the dvds that contain all of the episodes of our show before you and mr donkey joined.
Abbi:(confessional) As I was watching the older episodes of this reality television show, I did see Xandir do some questionable things which has lessened my infatuation for him at first. (Starts To blush in embarrassment) however…
In the living room, Abbi watches the old episodes of “drawn together” as she sits on the couch. She then sees Xandir passionately making out with another attractive man on tv which immediately makes her face turn red. Ling Ling then coyly enters the living room and hands a lily to abbi.
Ling Ling:(Japorean)(amorously) my dear beautiful creature. Would you care to “battle” with me with me in my love nest?
Abbi:(flustered as she accepts Ling Ling’s lily) Oh… uh… Thank you, Ling Ling. (Kindly pets his head) I really do appreciate your company.
As Abbi leaves the living room, Ling Ling sighs and swoons. As Abbi enters the hallway, she sees Wooldoor walking across from her.
Wooldoor:(cheerfully waves) Hi, Abbi! Did you watch the dvds?
Abbi blushes as she nods.
Wooldoor: did the dvds work?
Abbi shakes her head in dismay.
Wooldoor:(concerned) would you like another session?
Abbi nods in defeat.
Later, Abbi’s back in Wooldoor’s psychiatric office while Wooldoor’s back in his psychiatrist outfit.
Abbi:(worried) is there anything else that I can do to eliminate my infatuation for Xandir?
Wooldoor:(calmly but sadly) well, there is one more option but you might not like it. You’re going to have to avoid Xandir as much as possible. That means you can’t spend time with him or accept any invitations from him no matter how fun they seem. Do you understand?
Abbi:(sadly) Yes. I do.
Later in the kitchen, Abbi forlornly sits by the table when Xandir approaches her.
Xandir:(hopefully) Hi Abbi. Since we had a fun time at the zoo, I was wondering if you would like to go to the mall with me to shop for some cute clothes.
Abbi:(reluctantly) My apologies, Xandir. But… I’m afraid I can’t attend the mall with you.
Xandir:(crestfallen) Oh… I understand… well, maybe some other time?
Abbi sadly looks down on the table as Xandir leaves. Later in the living room, Abbi sits on the couch in dismay as Xandir approaches her.
Xandir:(concerned) Abbi, are you feeling-
Abbi immediately runs out of the living room and heads upstairs to the girls bedroom which saddens Xandir.
Xandir:(confessional)(concerned) I don’t know why but Abbi seems to not want to hang out with me anymore lately. I thought we had such a fun time at the zoo. She even thanked me for taking her to see the tigers. There’s gotta be a reason why she doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore.
As Abbi enters the girls bedroom, She sees Ling Ling seductively lounging on her bed as he faces her.
Ling Ling:(Japorean)(suavely) Hey, my sexy little monster. Care for an exciting “battle”?
Abbi:(distraught but unaware) Oh Ling Ling. I’m not sure if I can avoid how I’m feeling anymore.
Ling Ling:(Japorean)(smoothly pats on the bed) Oh you don’t have to avoid them, baby. Just give into them and give yourself to me.
Abbi: It’s just that no matter how many methods I try to do, my feelings for Xandir are still there.
Ling Ling:(Japorean)(gasps in devastation) You have feelings for Xandil?! But he’s a homo!
Abbi:(ashamed) I am one hundred percent aware of the fact that Xandir is a homosexual gentleman. However, there’s something ineffably pleasant about him that just makes me feel attracted to him.
Ling Ling:(Japorean)(Stands on Abbi’s bed in anger) You foul amphibious harpy! For breaking my sensitive heart, you shall battle me to the death! Say my name three times and we shall fight!
Abbi:(sighs in defeat while still unaware) As much as I appreciate your concern, I’m afraid that I may have to face this situation by myself.
Abbi soon leaves the girls bedroom which leaves Ling Ling feeling frustrated.
Ling Ling:(Japorean) Hey! Don’t leave ring ring deprived of a battle! AAAAAGH!!!!
Later, Abbi’s sadly resting her head on her arms on the edge of the pool until Xandir approaches her.
Xandir:(determined) Abbi, I know that you’ve been avoiding me lately and it can’t be for no reason. Is it because Clara convinced you that being gay is a “sin”?
Abbi:(melancholic) No. it would be illogical.
Xandir:(concerned) Then why are you suddenly avoiding me?
Abbi:(groans in defeat) Oh I guess I can’t deprive you of the truth anymore. The real reason why I have been avoiding you is because I have developed an illogical infatuation for you ever since you took me to the zoo even though I am aware that you’re a homosexual man.
Abbi soon puts her hands on her head in embarrassment. However, Xandir bursts out in laughter.
Xandir:(laughing) That’s it?! You just have a little crush on me?!
Abbi:(embarrassed) well… yeah.
Xandir:(compassionate) Aw, sweetie. Tween crushes aren’t so bad. It’s normal for little girls like you to have crushes like this.
Abbi:(dismayed) I hope that it will soon pass because I rather enjoyed spending some time with you as my friend.
Xandir:(assuring) Don’t worry. It’ll pass in no time. And pretty soon, you’ll get a crush on another tween who might like you back.
Abbi:(smiles in relief) You know, I think my infatuation is diminishing already. What you have told me has helped me feel a lot better.
Xandir:(sweetly) Aw, I’m so happy to hear that.
Abbi:(politely) Out of curiosity, do you have a male significant other?
Xandir: I did. (Turns forlorn) But then my adversary, Lord Slashstab took him from me… for no reason… Just as my boyfriend was about to invite me into his home…
Abbi:(saddened) I’m sorry to hear that.
Xandir:(sadly) Thank you. I just wish I had more time to rescue him instead of being stuck in this household having to deal with Captain hero’s antics.
Abbi:(gently) I don’t blame you for being irritated by the disgusting superhero. I really hope you’ll be able to find and rescue your special gentleman.
Xandir:(touched) Thanks, sweetie.
END
